Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Monster Within is an Only Child

My birthday was Monday and it was not a good day. My grandma was sick and had to be taken to the ER, interrupting plans my mom and I had for the day. I was stuck at home with two small children who had been dressed and geared up to go out for "Mommy's Party Day". They were disappointed and the youngest couldn't understand where Mommy's Party went. We ended up at the grocery store and picking up a nasty drive-through lunch. Their behavior was almost as bad as mine. I was worried and disappointed and at a loss as to how to save the day. I did a lot of thinking and inner dialogue.

Which got me wondering, does everyone talk to themselves in their heads or is that an only child thing? I've always done it. I have really interesting conversations with myself, all in my head. I find myself shushing the kids because I can't hear myself think sometimes. My attention will wander in conversation because I will be discussing the topic with myself...in my HEAD. No, I don't think I'm crazy. I just grew up with a lot of alone time, as an only child with two working parents. And don't think this is one of those things where the kids blame the parents for everything...I LOVED being an only child.

I should explain that technically I had a sister. My dad had a daughter from his first marriage but she was rarely present in our home. I'm not sure what the custody agreement was but I remember her there for a couple of Christmases and a couple of summers, maybe a couple of Spring Breaks and once she lived with us for an entire school year. But, mostly, I was the only child in the home and I was always my mom's only child and to top it off, the only grandchild of my maternal grandparents. Can you say spoiled?

I still battle this everyday. In fact, I would say that being an only child is at the root of a lot of my parenting challenges. I don't like noise. Three young children in one small house make a lot of noise. I don't ever know how to be fair or whose side to take. My side was the only side. Usually, I just stay out of it. I do a lot of saying, "Work it out." Even shopping is hard. Who needs what, when, and the most right now?

So, the point is that I am spoiled. I should not have been disappointed that my birthday didn't go as planned. Who cares that I missed lunch and didn't get my presents? I'm grown up now. I know my grandma didn't get sick on purpose. But, maybe I won't make SUCH a big deal out of my kids' birthdays from now on...Oh, we'll still celebrate them but I don't want them to expect perfection like I do. Perfect rarely happens.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A Turn

This may not seem like a big deal to some but to me it is a sign of things to come. I am about to load up my two smallest kids and one of their friends and go pick up lunch. Why is this such a big deal? Not too long ago, I found it daunting to load up even my kids to pick up lunch and would probably never have agreed to watch anyone else's kid. I remember turning down friends when they wanted me to meet them with my kids. Three was just too overwhelming. Now, I can do it all! That's a great feeling!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Totally Frivolous Post

This post is about nothing. Okay, well something but nothing important. My birthday is coming and DH wanted to know what I would like. He knows I don't like surprises...finally. That only took 15 years to get through his head! So I said I would like a new purse, maybe a Coach purse. I have always liked a good purse but haven't really had a great one since I had kids. Before that though...anyway, I started looking at Coach purses with the idea that if we were going to spend THAT much on a purse, it would have to be the perfect purse. Guess what? I can't find one I like well enough to warrant the $300 they cost. Yes Daddy, that does say three hundred dollars. Stop laughing. You're the man that bought Mom and I each a Dooney & Burke on the SAME day. In a way, it's your fault. Ha. Ha.

So now, I am on the lookout for a purse I like well enough to spend ANY money on it and I can't find anything but now that I've decided I need a new purse...well, I NEED a new purse.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Just a Few Things

Oh my goodness! I haven't blogged in so long! Basically, if it can't be done on my iphone, I don't do it anymore. I guess technically I could blog from my phone but I just don't have that kind of patience. I also have a huge outlet on facebook but there comes a time when you need to get some words down in a bigger way than your status bar can hold. So, although I know I have 0 readers left, I am putting this down FOR ME.

I love to snuggle my big girl. Lately, I have been climbing in bed with her in the mornings and snuggling her awake. She is 8 now and is getting oh. so. big! But, in her bed, asleep, she still looks so much like my little miracle baby. I almost want to cry, but instead I cherish those moments and wonder how much longer she will let me hold her this way. I remember curling around her little baby body and now our feet can touch in the bed but I'll take what I can get!

I am having the worst time with my monkey girl right now. We are in a horrible spiral. She is having a lot of anxiety and night time fears...not night terrors, just fears. She hardly lets us sleep and she is not sleeping which leads to much grumpiness for her and for me. She is also throwing lots of fits about clothing, food, toys, rules. It seems we both live on the verge of tears at ALL times. I just don't know what to do for her. The princess did this too at this age but it wasn't as traumatic because we didn't have to wake up at any particular time so we were better rested. We also had more room in the house and could play musical beds in order to get some sleep. Right now, my focus with her is just to REALLY look for and find times to cherish. Her smile, her laugh, her helpful, nurturing nature, are all things I seek and sometimes find.

As for the Little Man, I still am amazed by him. I just never knew. If you are a mom of a boy, I don't even have to explain that and if you have all girls, well, you'll never know but you'll never miss it either. I try not to show favoritism and I will admit that my favorite changes so often that it is only fair to say they are all my favorite but for different reasons. He is just so cuddly and easy, simple. There is none of the drama that comes with little girls. At least not at this age. I'm just along for the ride and with his physical energy, it IS a ride!

Well, I had more to say but I hear cries of MOMMY!!!! So I guess this is it for now.